Tag Archives: Humor

American Association of Patriots, How to Talk to Your Cat about Evolution; How to Talk to Your Cat about Gun Safety

(2015-03-28 001)Title: How to Talk to Your Cat about Evolution

Author: The American Association of Patriots

Publication Information: Slaton, TX: The American Association of Patriots, c2014

Library of Congress Classification: PN6231.C23

Library of Congress Subject Headings:
Cats—Humor
Evolution—Humor
Creationism–Humor

(2015-03-28 002)Title: How to Talk to Your Cat about Gun Control

Author: The American Association of Patriots

Publication Information: Slaton, TX: The American Association of Patriots, c2013

Library of Congress Classification: PN6231.C23

Library of Congress Subject Headings:
Cats—Humor
Firearms—Humor

Two very important topics, evolution and gun safety, are addressed by the pamphlets from the American Association of Patriots. They are aimed to safeguard an important member of the family: the cat.

Evolution vs. creationism is how the argument has been cast for over a century. I remember discussing this in a grade school class. (Yes, I am old.) The debate raged until one student raised her hand and asked, “Why can’t it have happened both ways?” In other words, evolution happened as God directed creation. This stumped the class. Later, upon reflection, I decided this made perfect sense, which is why the current debate is a non-issue.

This might be the best way to approach the issue with your cat. I think most cats would agree. Cats have many things on their minds, like where to sun themselves today, and cannot become bogged-down in science and theological discussions.

One suggestion is for the owner to open several Bibles to different books. The cat will, of course, lay on them, thus having the opportunity to absorb the holy wisdom. I have tried this with textbooks, putting them under my pillow before going to bed, but with no success; I always did poorly on tests. However, those textbooks were not the Word of God.

Gun safety is a completely different issue. Cats cannot absorb anything from lying on guns. You need to actively get your cat involved in learning how to handle and store guns safely. Without such training accidents, perhaps fatal ones, will happen.

Once a cat is taught how to handle a gun and the responsibilities that come with it, you will immediately reap the benefits. A cat packin’ heat while you are away becomes a formidable adversary for any miscreant who wanders onto your property.

Frankly, these pamphlets can be adapted to teach dogs about gun ownership. Dogs are (supposedly) as smart as cats. A dog’s soul is just as valuable (depending on who you talk to) as a cat’s, and once inoculated against the one-sided evolution argument, the dog can then move onto learning about guns. Canine use of firearms can be just as lethal as feline use. Perhaps even more so.

Think about the safe walks you will have with your dog.  With your dog carrying a gun, no one will think to harass either of you. However, it is essential to get your dog to understand that postal workers are good, else you may come home and find a corpse on your doorstep. Also, kitty needs to understand that blowing away birds and small animals is not a responsible way to use a gun.

All in all, very valuable pamphlets on how to educate and teach your cat about these important issues. Highly recommended.

 

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Kevin Hearne, Hounded; Hexed; Hammered

(2014-06-19 001)Author: Kevin Hearne

Series: The Iron Druid Chronicles

Publication Information: New York: Ballantine Books, 2011 (Del Rey mass market ed.)

Title: Hounded

ISBN: 978-0-345-52247-4

Title: Hexed

ISBN: 978-0-345-52249-8

Title: Hammered

ISBN: 978-0-345-52248-1

Library of Congress Classification: PS3608.E263

Library of Congress Subject Headings:
Druids and druidism–Fiction
Goddesses–Fiction
Gods–Fiction
Magic–Fiction
Dogs–Fiction
Human-animal communication–Fiction
Werewolves–Fiction
Vampires–Fiction
Demonology–Fiction

Think of a world where all the pantheons of all the world’s deities are real. Add to this mix vampires, werewolves and witches–and Druids. Atticus O’Sullivan (his current alias; real name: Siodhachan Ó Suileabháin) is the protagonist. He looks 21 and has the libido of a 21-year-old, but he’s really 2,100 years old. He’s also the last of the Druids, so he tries to keep a low profile in the world, which usually doesn’t work. Long ago, he made a deal with The Morrigan, the Celtic goddess of war, and she has allowed him to live on in the world. Each week, he takes a cup of immortal tea that keeps him 21.

Atticus owns an occult shop where he sells books and different types of tea for different types of ailments. He also possesses the magical sword Fragarach. Atticus’ power comes from the earth, so he always tries to fight with his bare feet planted on the ground. The Celtic tattoos covering his right arm can also be used by him to channel energy from the earth. With his dog Oberon, with whom he’s able to telepathically communicate, Atticus lives in Tempe, Arizona. He chose the New World and the desert because there are no Old World deities in the area.

In the first book, Hounded, Atticus finds that his old enemy Aenghus Óg, the Celtic god of love, has discovered where he’s living. For centuries, Atticus has been on the run from this god, who wants to kill him and take Fragarach. Only recently has Aenghus Óg started causing trouble that alarms The Morrigan. Something is amiss, and she knows that Aenghus Óg is in the middle of it. And thus does Atticus get involved in battle, accompanied by werewolves.

In Hexed, the aftermath of Aenghus Óg’s defeat and the problems he created, are being addressed by Atticus. He ends up teamed with Coyote, the Native American trickster god, to destroy a fallen angel. Meanwhile, his vampire lawyer works on a non-aggression treaty with a coven of Polish witches after a few of them joined Aenghus Óg’s side in the last book. (Atticus does not like or trust witches.) A group of Bacchants from Vegas come to town, bringing destruction in their wake. These followers of the Roman god Bacchus start orgies that always end with the followers killing and even eating the initiates; Atticus and his friends therefore move against them. (Note: in this universe, the Roman and Greek pantheons are completely separate. Atticus taunts Bacchus by telling him he’s a pale imitation of Dionysus, which infuriates the Roman god.) Then there’s the new cult of witches who move into town; this group had ties to the Nazis. Atticus had battled them before during World War II. It’s also inconvenient that the local police believe Atticus is responsible for a few murders, so the Druid has to tread lightly.

In Hammered, Atticus has acquired an apprentice, but he doesn’t know just how long he’ll be able to stay in Tempe. His vampire lawyer and one of his werewolf associates from the law firm want Thor, the Norse god of thunder, dead. Seems that the Asgardian really is an asshole; those who can stand him describe him as “a douche bag.” He is the friend of no mortal, and has even pulled many nasty tricks on some deities. Joined by entities from other pantheons, Atticus leads the group to Asgard to make war with Thor. The resulting battle does real damage that forces Atticus to pull up roots and flee Tempe.

I liked these books. Some of the funniest dialog goes on between Atticus and Oberon as they communicate mentally. Also, Atticus likes to not only take off his shoes for battle but also takes off his clothes at times. (Lying on his right side on the ground, the earth’s power flows faster into him via his tattoos.) Watching Atticus negotiate the modern world as well not offending the deities with whom he comes into contact with is fun.

If seeing the Virgin Mary administer to today’s poor and downtrodden, and Jesus appearing as a Black man and having a drink with Atticus in a local Tempe bar doesn’t offend, then these books are for you.

Francesco Marciuliano, I Could Pee on This and Other Poems by Cats; I Could Chew on This and Other Poems by Dogs

Book Cover-I Could Pee on This (2013-09-30 001)Title: I Could Chew on This: and Other Poems by Cats

Author: Francesco Marciuliano

Publication Information: San Francisco: Chronicle Books, 2012

ISBN: 978-1-4521-1058-5

Library of Congress Classification: PN6084 .C23

Library of Congress Subject Headings:
Cats–Humor
Cats–Poetry

Title: I Could Chew on This: and Other Poems by DogsMarciuliano-I Could Chew on This (2013-09-30 007)

Author: Francesco Marciuliano

Publication Information: San Francisco: Chronicle Books, 2013

ISBN: 978-1-4521-1903-8

Library of Congress Classification: PN6231 .D68

Library of Congress Subject Headings:
Dogs–Humor
Dogs–Poetry

I bought the cat book at Northshire Books when I was in Manchester, Vermont because it was 20% off the cover price. The dog and cat books are also carried by Whimsies.

Like most poetry, some are better than others. The ones that are funny are really funny. The full-color photos of the dogs and cats that accompany the poems are adorable, with many complementing the poems quite well. With dog titles like Unleashed (“I’m free! … I’m lost!), Splash (a dog that keeps chasing stones as you skip them across the water–and he cannot stop), and Time (a dog wondering where you are, and not to leave him again), I laughed quite a lot.

Some cat titles are Cold (everything at the vet’s is cold–except the puddle of urine on the vet’s notes), Why are You Screaming (a cat trying to figure out why you don’t like the present–a dead mouse on your bed), Something’s Wrong (a cat realizes that the walls are a different color, the place is laid out wrong … all since he got out of the carrier, and he intends to find out what happened), and  Nine Lives (what each one is for, including writing ones’s memoirs), were a lot of fun.

This is for cat and dog lovers, or for anyone who likes animals.

Matt Adrian, Mincing Mockingbird Guide to Troubled Birds

Adrian-Guide to Troubled Birds (2013-09-30 010)TitleThe Mincing Mockingbird Guide to Troubled Birds

Author: Matt Adrian

Publication Information: The Mincing Mockingbird, Inc., 2012

ISBN: 978-0615593685

Library of Congress Classification: PN6231.B46

Library of Congress Subject Headings:
Birds–Humor
Adrian, Matt—Humor
Adrian, Matt—Catalogs
Painting—United States—Catalogs
Birds in art—Catalogs

The Mincing Mockingbird returns! Actually, this book came out before the other two, but this is the first time I’ve seen it.

This time, Matt Adrian write a book for “anyone to quickly identify psychotic, violent or mentally unstable bird species.” As usual, Adrian’s paintings of birds are accompanied by crazy things the birds seem to be saying from the way they look. There are some entries for birds that go on for a page or more.

There are two entires that I spotted for owls, which made me happy.  Of course what’s written about owls is not complementary, but a study in the owl psyche. Like other birds, owls cannot be trusted.

New paintings come to Whimsies, which carries the book as well as the paintings. I was told by Karen that Adrian never does the same paintings; he doesn’t have a set number of this or that bird on hand, he just paints. Apparently, he hasn’t painted any owls lately. The last shipment had two or three different owls in it, so I should have bought then.

So if you like twisted humor and birds, this book is for you.