Monthly Archives: April 2015

American Association of Patriots, How to Talk to Your Cat about Evolution; How to Talk to Your Cat about Gun Safety

(2015-03-28 001)Title: How to Talk to Your Cat about Evolution

Author: The American Association of Patriots

Publication Information: Slaton, TX: The American Association of Patriots, c2014

Library of Congress Classification: PN6231.C23

Library of Congress Subject Headings:
Cats—Humor
Evolution—Humor
Creationism–Humor

(2015-03-28 002)Title: How to Talk to Your Cat about Gun Control

Author: The American Association of Patriots

Publication Information: Slaton, TX: The American Association of Patriots, c2013

Library of Congress Classification: PN6231.C23

Library of Congress Subject Headings:
Cats—Humor
Firearms—Humor

Two very important topics, evolution and gun safety, are addressed by the pamphlets from the American Association of Patriots. They are aimed to safeguard an important member of the family: the cat.

Evolution vs. creationism is how the argument has been cast for over a century. I remember discussing this in a grade school class. (Yes, I am old.) The debate raged until one student raised her hand and asked, “Why can’t it have happened both ways?” In other words, evolution happened as God directed creation. This stumped the class. Later, upon reflection, I decided this made perfect sense, which is why the current debate is a non-issue.

This might be the best way to approach the issue with your cat. I think most cats would agree. Cats have many things on their minds, like where to sun themselves today, and cannot become bogged-down in science and theological discussions.

One suggestion is for the owner to open several Bibles to different books. The cat will, of course, lay on them, thus having the opportunity to absorb the holy wisdom. I have tried this with textbooks, putting them under my pillow before going to bed, but with no success; I always did poorly on tests. However, those textbooks were not the Word of God.

Gun safety is a completely different issue. Cats cannot absorb anything from lying on guns. You need to actively get your cat involved in learning how to handle and store guns safely. Without such training accidents, perhaps fatal ones, will happen.

Once a cat is taught how to handle a gun and the responsibilities that come with it, you will immediately reap the benefits. A cat packin’ heat while you are away becomes a formidable adversary for any miscreant who wanders onto your property.

Frankly, these pamphlets can be adapted to teach dogs about gun ownership. Dogs are (supposedly) as smart as cats. A dog’s soul is just as valuable (depending on who you talk to) as a cat’s, and once inoculated against the one-sided evolution argument, the dog can then move onto learning about guns. Canine use of firearms can be just as lethal as feline use. Perhaps even more so.

Think about the safe walks you will have with your dog.  With your dog carrying a gun, no one will think to harass either of you. However, it is essential to get your dog to understand that postal workers are good, else you may come home and find a corpse on your doorstep. Also, kitty needs to understand that blowing away birds and small animals is not a responsible way to use a gun.

All in all, very valuable pamphlets on how to educate and teach your cat about these important issues. Highly recommended.

 

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Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Title: The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Author: Neil Gaiman

Publication Information: New York: William Morrow, 2014 (1st pbk. ed.)

ISBN: 978-0-06-234324-6

Library of Congress Classification: PR6057.A319

Library of Congress Subject Headings:
Boys—Fiction
Good and evil—Fiction
Reality—Fiction

I am ashamed to say that this is the first book I’ve ever read by Neil Gaiman.

Not that I haven’t had friends encouraging me to read Gaiman’s works. I just never got around to it. So when I spotted this book, which is under 200 pages, was in Powell’s City of Books in Portland, Oregon, I decided to give it a try. The two people who I was with had also read it, and loved it.

This is the story of a boy who ends up getting involved with the supernatural activities of his neighbors, the Hempstocks. These three women are independent, and the boy, at the age of seven, befriends Lottie, who is eleven. He is with her and inadvertently gets into trouble when his heart is used as a gateway into this universe by something calling itself Ursula Monkton, who wants to give everyone everything that they ever wanted. This is not a good thing, and the Hempstocks attempt to protect the boy while trying to get Ursula to leave this dimension. Meanwhile, she ingratiates herself into the boy’s family.

It’s a good story. Gaiman, who is interviewed in the back of the book, compares the Hempstocks to the Maiden-Mother-Crone aspect of many goddesses. (I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t even pick up on this.) The interviewer points out that the only people with names in the book are the Hempstocks and Ursula; all other characters are referred to by how they dress or by role, e.g. the boy’s sister, father, etc. The story is told from the first person, that of a man remembering an adventure when he was seven.

I enjoyed the book thoroughly. It was a good read, and Gaiman is very clever in how he constructs the story and how it eventually ends. I like how Gaiman writes, too. Listening to the man talk about his feelings and the things he says as a child is believable. This book could be read by children as well. Ursula is a nasty character, but I don’t think the action is too scary. There is violence, but nothing too graphic, and a sex scene that is seen from a child’s perspective. The entire book reads like a fairy tale or something that takes place outside the normal plane of existence.

A really good book.